- Narcissism versus Love
- Identifying Narcissism
- The Elements of Narcissism.
- Biblical Love is the opposite
- The Divine “Remedy” for Narcissism
Narcissism versus Love
Narcissism. By David Cox
[PC50] v1 ©2014 www.coxtracts.com
You may freely reproduce this tract for free distribution.
Narcissism. The “Narcissist” is a person who focuses his whole life on himself. This is Narcissism. In Mexico, we say “Me first, me last, and me in the middle”. Truthfully this is the type of person who literally adores and worships his own self, and doesn’t even know it. This is really spiritual worship, idolatry really, like what we are to do towards God, but the narcissist misdirects this back towards himself like Satan does. He thinks that he himself (or she herself) is of such great value, that the whole world should appreciate him for that greatness.
This attitude is greatly in conflict with what the Bible presents us in Jesus, which is our moral pattern. In Jesus’ character, we see humility, meekness, worry for others, service towards others, selflessness, and personal sacrifice for the benefit of others. The narcissist is a person that has captured the very essence of Satan’s personality and character, and is imitating it exactly. They are cruel, arrogant, egotistical, and the opposite all around of what a good Christian should be. Narcissism
First we should understand that the narcissist is a person which is totally focused on himself/herself, which puts their own person, benefit, pleasure, and glory above everybody else. They want to be the focus of everything everywhere they go. In the Bible, this is to be arrogant, and haughty. Their self-esteem is extremely high (because they are the center of the universe in their own thinking).
See my tract PC08 Self-esteem.
But how do we really identify the narcissist? Many people are narcissists and don’t know it. 2Tim 3:2-4 is a description of the last days, and this is an excellent passage on narcissism.
2Tim 3:2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
The Elements of Narcissism.
These points describe a typical narcissist. In each particular narcissist there are some of these points stronger than others, and some are not so obvious or are missing altogether. But they are still narcissists.
Lovers of their own selves.
Their priority is simply their own comfort above that of helping others. They don’t serve others, and they don’t sacrifice for others really (but they give public shows of generosity so that others can applaud them). They also don’t give preference or honor to others very easily. Their priorities are very clear in their own minds, and they and theirs are always first. Narcissism
Rom 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another. From the point of love, love treats others seeking their good, not your own.
1Cor 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity (love) vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
The narcissist exactly seeks their own in place of serving others (service, doing good works). Moreover we can identify somebody with biblical love as never boasting of themselves nor having envy. Envy is when you feel bad because somebody else receives good (or riches, honor, glory or fame) at the hand of God. Boasting is to try to “beat” somebody else having glory or fame, by changing the world’s view focusing more on you than them. (These people never actually try to do better themselves, they just try to adjust the world’s view. They denigrate that person to others.)
Lovers of pleasure, not of God.
This element is almost the same as above. Their focus in life is always themselves (which is self worship, the desire of fame). For them, riches (so that they have the means to get their pleasure) are a means to an end in their own self worship. Titus 3:3 For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. Narcissism
Covetous and Miserly.
When one is “living in his own world”, he is living for himself alone, and it is logical that he gives little to others other than when it comes back to benefit himself. His view is that he desires all benefit because of his own greatness. But to enjoy greatness and glory, you need money, and a lot of it. Covetousness is a necessary partner with narcissism. From his point of view, you can only measure success by how much you accumulate and enjoy. Luke 12:15 And he (Jesus) said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.
Furthermore, Jesus clearly declares that riches are a spiritual threat to your soul! This is because worldly possessions ALWAYS compete against God to be the god of your life. Matt 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon (riches).
Jesus simply commanded us to renounce riches and possessions, and everything related to that if you really want to be saved. This is even though God understands and wants us to use money and have possessions, but they are not to become the end goal of our lives. Luke 14:33 So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.See also Ch47 The Christian and His money.
Arrogant, Boasting, and Haughty.
Part of understanding a narcissist is that he evaluates himself and everything he has and does as being better, greater, and of more value that the rest of world.
He puts himself (or herself) ahead of the rest. Their whole thought process revolves around the point “lover of himself”. Thus, “the world serves me, and that is the way things should be”. But if he is called upon to serve somebody else, that is hard for the narcissist to swallow except if there is great personal gain in it for themselves. Vain, glorious (“proud”) 2Tim 3:2 means to seek glory for one’s self, even though there is no eternal value in it. Phil 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Gal 5:26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
Disobedient to parents, unthankful, and without natural affection.
Prov 17:13 Whoso rewardeth evil for good, evil shall not depart from his house. 1Thess 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
An integral part of understanding the narcissist is that according to his way of thinking, there is no person more important or deserving than himself.
Surely he won’t actually say this often or at all, but it is always there. He is first, his needs are what others should be worried about, and his priorities are what the whole world should bow before, and they should dedicate themselves to his greatness. Even the most natural of things, such as honoring and respecting your parents for all they have done for you is sacrificed before the altar of self glory and self worship. Gratitude and thankfulness does not exist in his concepts, as though God doesn’t exist in his world and thinking.
Traitors (and truce breakers).
Matt 24:10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. The narcissist mentality thinks he does not owing anything to anybody except to his own self. Selfishness will reign wildly in the end days. Flattery is to falsely or insincerely praise somebody else, and this is all he can offer, because nobody is as great as he is.
Compassion and mercy are elements well rooted in God. Because a person receives these from God, they generate thankfulness, gratitude, and humility in that person. Jesus had these traits. But the narcissist is not saved, and therefore for him nobody is important except himself. Cruelty is necessary in order to keep himself on top. He doesn’t care about others period. Prov 11:17 The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh. The worship of one’s own self carries one further and further from God, and stamps the image and destiny of Satan on that person.
A Christian understands that everything he does will enter into judgment, and his position as a saved person is not eternal hell fire, but the mercy before God. So he seeks not to be in conflict with others, to treat conflicts and problems to resolve them as quickly and quietly as possible so as to not cause God to anger with the HOW WE LIVE OUR LIVES, and punish us here on earth! Narcissists never consider their actions and the way they live life as entering into judgment, because they are the center of the universe! For some unexplainable reason the universe should worship them!
Exod 20:16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. Moreover he wants to be the center of attention, and the focus of the world, and he doesn’t like it when others enter into a place of glory or honor even for a second. Any glory or recognition for others competes with his greatness. He should go up, and he steps on and pushes others down.
Biblical Love is the opposite
1John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
Love is a base character trait of God, essential in every one of his children. Notice the principle here and how it intertwines with character (Mat 22:36-40) love the Lord thy God with all thy heart… and thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.) Love of others and not towards one’s self is what is in play here. God distinguished this love towards God (your Creator) as needing to be manifested in your relationship with the rest of the world, and especially concentrated in your love towards your Christian brothers.
Without this very active in your life and thinking and actions then God is not in your life, and it becomes a criteria whereby one can judge the person is unsaved. To be saved should include a change of life focus towards serving and loving others. This is in place of self love, and by loving God, you will correctly love others, especially your Christian brethren which also practice this love.
The Divine “Remedy” for Narcissism
Matt 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
Narcissism. This is the extreme opposite of narcissism The unsaved doesn’t want to deny himself. Except in a few cases the unsaved has no experience nor knowledge of true UNSELFISH love. This is maybe seen in like between parent and child, between husband and wife. Selfishness is the only way to live for him. Luke 8:14 And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection. Jesus identifies the narcissist here as being unsaved. He cares more for the cares and riches and pleasures of this life than the eternal state of his own soul!
The Bible is very clear that without taking on the correct attitude toward “spiritual and eternal treasure” the person doesn’t understand or have true salvation.
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